Exercise is the Key? WTF!!

Every time I've tried to lose weight in the past it has been a change in food only. Exercise was second or non-existent.

As I stated earlier, it has taken me a long time to reach the decision to change my lifestyle. Many factors have influenced this decision, but ultimately I've realized that my one and only goal is to feel healthy.

What??? Healthy??? What about looking like a supermodel? Nope. Not my motivation. I just want to feel healthy. That's my definition of success.

So in January I started with exercise instead of starting with food modification. Interestingly enough, if you exercise your body craves good(er) food. I really enjoy eating "good for you" foods and often feel really crappy if I eat high fat or high sugar foods. Heavy proteins (read: beef) I can take in moderation but I'd really rather have a nice piece of fish or some grilled chicken nowadays.

Today I started out the day walking 7 miles with my SacFIT group. I maintained a 19 minute mile pace pretty well and pushed it as hard as I could the last 2 minutes just to do it.

"Well awesome" you might comment, and i thank you if you do, but I cannot lie: I seriously didn't want to go out this morning. I went to sleep at 3 AM and woke up at 6:15 (after my alarm was snoozed several times starting at 5:40). I hit it the last time at 6:10 and lay in bed having a conversation with myself that went something like this:

"Oh please God just let me go back to sleep. I just want to sleep." "No you need to get up and do this." "Why? I already posted last night on Facebook that I'm feeling a bit crappy like I'm getting something." "Yeah but you don't feel like that right now and every time you exaggerate an illness enough to use it as an excuse you end up getting really really sick - fucking karma bites you every time." "Yeah it does bite me every time - that is so unfair - or is it fair" "Whatever, just get your ass out of bed and get ready. You didn't get anything ready and you need to leave in 15 minutes." "Yeah good thing I showered last night and at least know where my clothes are." "Yep, so let's do this. Get your tired zombie butt moving." "Besides, you'll have to face your neighbor and tell her you were sick with a straight face if you flake." "Yeah that would suck."

And thus I arose and stumbled about the house, got my gear ready, silently thanked my neighbor for the accountability, and blearily climbed into the car (she drove) to head over to the park.

I write this because this kind of inner dialogue is what has plagued me my whole life. Usually I stop at the first or third sentence and go back to sleep, or give up on a food plan, or take the easiest route. I have a hard time with my compulsive behavior because it has ruled me so long. But frankly I'm really sick of it. I have come to realize that giving into impulses leads to excess and a serious lack of satisfaction because I didn't really sacrifice or earn anything to get it.

This attitude may not make sense to some, but anticipating or saving for or working towards something makes me appreciate it. My whole life has been more of a "I brainlessly ate the entire cheesecake, but didn't really taste it or appreciate it, so it wasn't that good and didn't satisfy much, if anything."

So this morning I can say that I feel I accomplished something. Yeah I walked 7 miles, but more I overcame the entropy of my bed. And have no regrets.